So much has changed in my life since I started writing this blog and it has made me hesitant to write much over the last year.
While some things haven’t changed, I am different. I am not going to live abroad any time soon. I am not a student anymore. I’m not currently pursuing work in the field of education or humanitarian aid. I look different. I feel different.
Some of these changes have been hard, but the truth is that deep down I feel like I am a better person now than I used to be. I still struggle regularly with my self-worth and mental stability, but that doesn’t define my worth or my efforts.
As I’ve been reflecting on the changes in my life and my desire to continue my blog, I’ve decided to update my reasons for writing:
- For pleasure. Since I started my blog I have realized that writing is something that I really enjoy. I want to get better at it and spend more of my time doing it.
- Maintain a personal record/journal. There’s many reasons I want to do this, but the main one is memory. I’ve always been a forgetful person, but I have been feeling many of my important memories growing fuzzy. I hope that by writing I can preserve old and new memories for me and my posterity.
- Share my art and other projects. I haven’t shared a ton about my art to the people that I know, but it has really become a big thing for me. I do it almost every day and I want to share it with the people that I love.
- Make things more manageable. Writing down lists has always helped me to organize my thoughts and tasks. By writing about it online I create a reliable space for me to keep all of my lists so I can look back on them when I need to.
- Distract myself and stay busy. Being idle and feeling helpless in stressful situations sets me off so easily. Writing will give me something productive to turn to and keep myself busy.
- Track progress and recognize success! I want to be better about recognizing the good changes I make and I think that writing things out will help me to do that.
- Clear my mind. I still get very overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings all at once. My head feels so full that it could be on the verge of imploding. Writing about everything that I am thinking tends to help me release stress and pent up feelings.
- Understand what I am feeling. As I write everything down I am able to gain greater insight on what I am going through and what led me to that point.
- Understand what is reality. It’s easy for me to have a false sense of reality when I am panicking or feeling extremely depressed. By writing it out, I am able to more easily discern what is true and important.
- Share my experiences and what I learn with others. I always hope that what I write will occasionally help something or someone.
Like I’ve written before, I want to live the best life that I can live. I think that writing for myself is one step towards living the way that I want to.